Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
