this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
