i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
