If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
