She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Congratulations! We have a period
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