Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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