yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Randomize
