two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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