If that was your dad, he is hot
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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