Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
