you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
