He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
