Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
My breasts were aching with rage.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
