Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Randomize
