I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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