btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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