glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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