The best revenge is premature balding
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
