I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
