god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
