i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
it's not cheating when I paid for it
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
