I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.