Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me