Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.