Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
