Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
