You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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