dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize