He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
