Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
