I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
