i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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