I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
