you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
