Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
