He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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