morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
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