i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
