I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
