so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
