I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
