Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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