You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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