You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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