he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
