I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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