Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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