No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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