I wish i was in the wii world.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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