Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
My bed smells like the plague
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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