did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Randomize
