Ambien. No doubt about it.
operation harelip BJ is a go
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
