So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
