I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
