what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize