um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
