sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
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Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
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When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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