i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
