i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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