I will die if light touches me.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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