i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
