Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
