Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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