Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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