You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
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I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
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Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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