When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
