i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
