Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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