I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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