No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
