who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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